Is it any wonder that when we are confronted with disappointment, that some of us do seek the council of the sages? I can think of no more appropriate sage to consult than that giant of Scottish intellect Robbie Burns. And you thought I was going to say Adams Smith who would also be useful to muse about Larry O’Brien’s famous and oft quoted phrase, “zero means zero”. So let’s invoke Mr. Burns, why don’t we?!

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
Gang aft agley,
An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Where in the world does anybody who knows history, and thankfully sees economics as weird mathematical voodoo, get the idea that an on going project like a city can be run like a business. A city is not a business. People don’t live together in an urban settlement to increase their marginal utility. Pareto optimal is never achieved in the business world so why would it suddenly become possible in a municipality. Oh, sorry! It actually could but we would have to cheat and provide services not because we could make money from them but because, now here’s a concept, we need them.

Ok maybe it’s not all that black and white. There is certainly some services that the city of Ottawa and its amalgamates could unload onto the private sector…catering for example. Moreover, running a public corporation does not preclude one from the process of being fiscally responsible. Please take note that I did not say anything about fiscally conservative. Which frankly these days is almost an oxymoron? Ooo! I just had a thought. If the Americans have a moron in office what do we have at the head of our government? An oxymoron! Think about it, for years he and his ilk have proclaimed a love affair with fiscal conservatism and now he’s spending money like a drunken sailor on a Las Vegas furlough. But I digress.

I think Larry O’Brien is not of Irish background. I think he’s actually Italian. His response to the media yesterday when asked about his promise not to increase property taxes was “…the election is over” I don’t know if anyone has ever heard of the Italian rule of driving which goes, “what’sa behind me isa nota important!” Be sure you say it with an Italian accent or it doesn’t work. So you can see where one might think that the orange in that O’Brien flag is actually red.

It might have been more useful for Mr. O’Brien to quote the great Robbie Burns “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men” At least it would have been more credible and a “wee morrre sincerrre”.

The lead on the cityoforleans.ca website, “no taxation without representation!” is certainly reminiscent of the continental experience with George III and indeed leads to the insight that Orleaneans may feel less than well-served by that turn of the century amalgamation folly with the City of Ottawa. The long-story, short version, probably hinges on the notion that a lot more tax dollars are going downstream to the Rideau than are returned in services or development, and the rank of councillors representing Orleans who could impact that flow or vision at the municipal coliseum is too thin.

At a ratio of 3/21, is Orleans adequately represented, or is amalgamation simply another example of conquering by division?

Perhaps use of the term amalgamation is too kind. The typical definition, to unite to form a single entity, was no doubt advertised with positive tales of efficiency and tax savings so profound that, when stretched end to end, would reach the outskirts of Kamloops.  My guess is that efficiencies and implied taxable kickbacks barely make it to the Queensway and no out-of-pocket savings were ever realized on the eastern front.

Combine the above two paragraphs and some citizens might tend to the tea in the harbor option.

There are a host of terms that can be employed, perhaps more accurately than amalgamate, to describe the behavior of a static or declining city state that needs new blood in the least and more dollars in the best outcome. There is annex, or take, join or incorporate as a subsidiary. Or what about Ottawaization, or become like us and wave OC Transpo transfers that are good for a hundred miles. Or, we can skip over the romance verbs/nouns for adventure and empire and go straight for the Huns’ views of municipal management; lebensraum und anschluss we’ve read about. How about a vulgar variation: taxensraum?

What are we saying here: de-amalgamate, dis-annex, re-Orleanize?  George should understand (the second time around.)

T.J. Snodgrass